Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
