best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
