that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
