I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
