i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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