to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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