i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
