I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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