it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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