your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
