is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
