the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize