Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
