I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The power of my boobs compel you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
