I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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