her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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