Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize