Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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