Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
