She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
