Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
