i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
