the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
