I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
