Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
