420 ftw
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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