How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So vagazzling was a success
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
