There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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