You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
