Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
