i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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