I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
