I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
