Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize