need another drink. this is the easiest way
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
