Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
