Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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