Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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