No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
