So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
