I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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