Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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