you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
