And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize