he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
