I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
