I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
