I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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