I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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