Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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