I didn't shave. On purpose
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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