There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
