FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
