Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm like, not good at living.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
