Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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