Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
