he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
