and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
