I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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