i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize