i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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