Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
