You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
