mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Panties = found
Randomize
