im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
