I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
