By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
