Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
