So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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