I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
