I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can Purell be used as lube?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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