How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
