All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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