Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
