JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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