i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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