All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
