there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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